


Public Health Recommendations

by Ack_Emma



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is Whipped (Good Omens), Episode: Good Omens: Lockdown, Established Relationship, Fanart, Glory Hole, Horny Aziraphale (Good Omens), Illustrated, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, No Smut, Post-Episode: Good Omens: Lockdown, Silly, The Author Regrets Nothing, apologies for that, but they only talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25516153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ack_Emma/pseuds/Ack_Emma
Summary: Aziraphale takes public health recommendations very seriously.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 49





	Public Health Recommendations

"Crowley, let's move to Canada!"

Crowley groaned into the phone and rolled onto his back, not really awake.

"What are you on about? Is it October yet? It's still July, isn't it?" he accused.

"Yes, but," Aziraphale insisted. "Canada!"

"What about Canada, Angel?"

"We should move there. So we can have sex!"

Now Crowley was awake.

"Whaa-? Sssssse--? Hrnggggggh."

Aziraphale waited while Crowley's brain rebooted and he tried verbalizing again.

"We can have sex now, Aziraphale! What's so special about Canada?"

"Well," the Angel gushed, brimming with enthusiasm. "It turns out Canada has done a tip top job of dampening down their cases of the virus, so its public health department has said people can now get together to have sex if they take safety measures. Like using glory holes!"

Crowley's brain just about broke at the thought Aziraphale knew what a glory hole was, let alone that he wanted to use one. Not for the first time Crowley wondered just what the angel had learned at that discreet gentleman's club besides gavotting, and not for the first time he decided it was just better not to know.

"Aziraphale, we can't get sick from the virus and we can't get humans sick, either. We don't need to follow mortal rules in our day to day lives."

"Yes I know, Crowley, but it's not as fun," Aziraphale pouted.

"Nnnnnnnnngk," Crowley paused. "Sex. Aziraphale. You know, we've barely even held hands. Just that one time in St. James earlier this year, and we had to stop because you started radiating so brightly it hurt my eyes."

Aziraphale deflated a little. "I thought, well, I thought we could work up to it." Crowley was sure he could hear a _buck up, Hamlet!_ in there.

"Unhhhhhh. All right. Well. Maybe we could practice a bit. The hand holding. Use -" Crowley did _not_ choke. "Use, uh, use the safety measures for that. Have that wall between us except for the hands and you can work on turning down the wattage while we're doing it."

"Oh, really?" Crowley could practically hear the simpering smile Aziraphale wore whenever Crowley twisted himself into knots to please the angel.

Quickly checking a few websites on his phone, Crowley groused, "it says here that two households can get together indoors now, Angel. You should keep up with the local news more."

"Splendid!" Aziraphale beamed. "You'll come over now, then? So we can practice our hand-holding through the -"

"Yes, all right, I'll be there in ten minutes," Crowley interrupted. He didn't think he could take hearing Aziraphale say "glory hole" again, so soon after the last time.

Crowley hung up then rolled to his feet. Six thousand years on Earth and he couldn't remember a weirder year than this. And he thought the 14th century was bad.

His mouth quirked slightly. This year was bad but he and Aziraphale were together, properly together, and when the angel had gotten excited about sex he'd called him.

On that optimistic note, Crowley snapped himself dressed and strode purposefully out the door. Things were good, he felt good. He could take on this mess that was 2020. He could rise to the occasion.

After all, he had an angel who needed glory holing.

**Author's Note:**

> As you can see... they're working on it.
> 
> Update: I commissioned the wonderfully talented Blue_Sparkle to draw the glory-hole-in-action picture! If you're not already familiar with their very funny and evocative work please check them out! [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Sparkle) [Tumblr](https://asparklethatisblue.tumblr.com/)
> 
> All right, they held hands on the bus ride back to London, too, but Aziraphale was too tired to radiate much that time.
> 
> The British Columbia Centre for Disease Control's site about sexual activity and COVID-19 seems pretty inclusive and balanced. Some people just fixated on the glory hole recommendation because those people are incredibly juvenile (for instance, me).
> 
> http://www.bccdc.ca/health-info/diseases-conditions/covid-19/prevention-risks/covid-19-and-sex
> 
> Aziraphale is exaggerating a bit, Canada hasn't been a superstar getting COVID-19 under control but we're in a pretty good place now. Please stay vigilant and safe, everyone, and please be kind and support each other. Glory hole is optional.


End file.
